Blah to School

Lando: 

He was back in the Main OR this week and loved it. Though he sent me some really sad texts of patients that he was seeing. And it always startles me to read about it, when i'm in my own world. He was post call on Monday and was able to Jax to school for his first day. Which has never happened so that was fun. 

Becs: 

With Jax at school I got a lot of stroller miles in! Luke and Ty are the best stroller buddies. I did 8 miles on Friday with them. I totaled 40 miles this week, with a long 20 miler on Saturday. I actually felt pretty good and wasn't sore at all. I've been really struggling getting into the flow of things with school. School. I loved school growing up, but it rips my heart out as a mom. Also, it just adds way more work to my life. I don't like school. I also wish I lived right across the street from an elementary. That would change so much. I'm learning more and more that I struggle with changes and routines being broken. School is all of that. I was loving my last 5 weeks of simple summer motherhood! But, I AM happy for Jax. 

Jax: 

He loved his first week. We've struggled SOOOOO much with what to do with him. Jaxson is a very gifted little boy and he is good at almost everything he does. I loved homeschooling him last year for so many reasons, and I also know there will be some good things to be learned this year at school. I think this school will challenge him in a way that I can't and also allow him to work through some of his deep perfectionism. I also love that he has more kids and friends his age to be friends with. 

We loved seeing the Fetzers one day! We don't know what we'd do without their friendship! Jax also played in his first baseball game this week. And I was just loving every minute at the field. Baseball. Baseball + Lake Powell + Ninetendo (I watched) + Basketball and all other sports=My childhood. But really, baseball was the lead. 

Ty: 

Ty did great with Jax being gone. He really stepped into older brother mode and helped me with lots of things like opening the door with the keys, starting the car, watching Luke, etc. Its crazy how much I rely on Jaxson, and I'm so happy that Ty is getting a chance to be responsible and be relied on too. We are reading a lot to him and he is loving it. I love how Ty can so easily and honestly and willingly express his emotions.  Ty does the most adorable thing with Luke where he lays him down and eats his tummy. I honestly think the BEST thing about Jax being gone at school is the attention that I get to give Ty ty now. Ty has always shined and i've always been able to see who he is, but its fun to focus on it even more. I'm honored to be his mommy and I am so insanely proud of the big boy he is becoming. He is going to help so many hearts in his life.

Luke: 

He is at a hard age. He is fussy and whiney a lot. Especially if we aren't outside. He is obsessed with fruit and will eat it all day. Food has always been a really stressful time period with Luke and we do it at least 3 times a day. Ugh! He just fusses so much through each meal. Also, I spend SO MUCH TIME in the kitchen. Between cooking and prepping and cleaning and no dishwasher and a baby that is so messy with a high chair. I bet that I spend at least 3 hours in my kitchen each day. And thats ridiculous to me. Why can't eating be simpler. 

We were beyond happy to see the Naylors! We love them and LOVED seeing their beautiful home, amazing office and growing adorable family. Thanks for having us over friends :)

60 Years Young

My best friend and mom turned 60 today. We are 30 years apart, my mom and I, but like I tearfully said over birthday dinner, "With every single passing day, I wonder more and more what on earth I'd do without you." I hope to one day be just like my mom, but there are still some glarring differences that i'm not sure will ever be resolved:  

The DIFFERENCES 

I am efficient. I get things done quickly, no fuss, no flare, just the bare essentials, as long as its done. 

She is creative. She makes and creates things and the work is not done, until it is done correctly.  

I love long hair, and probably always will. 

She loves short hair. Her hair on her wedding day looks just like it does now. 

I love to run for exercise.

She loves to bike for exercise. 

I love Relief Society Activities. 

She does not. (Especially when she was my age). 

I enjoy sitting and relaxing or doing nothing at all 

She is the hardest worker in the whole wide world

I am good at math 

She is good at Language Arts

I had a family of brothers 

And she had a family of sisters (with on brother) 

I like watching a good show 

She likes reading a good book (Don't tell her i've still never read To Kill A Mockingbird) 

I tolerated BYU football up until I married Landon 

She has been a BYU football fan sense she could talk 

If I can't do something, I find someone who can 

If she can't do something, she figures out how to do that something

The SIMILARITIES 

We both love los heramanos 

We both love to talk on the phone

We both always loved playing sports, though she was probably more of a tom boy than me. 

We are both terrible at making decisions 

We both have ugly feet 

We both hate shopping 

We both love It's A Wonderful Life 

We both don't like Halloween (Although that one is changing for me #ty) 

We both are picky movie people 

We have some crazy loyalties to our people. 

We worry. Like go to the worst case scenario worry

We each had 3 boys first (maybe that means my #4 will be a girl??) 

We both think we are capable of doing anything we want to. Lots of confidence in our bones. 

We both communicate through writing 

We CAN NOT work in a messy house 

We both LOVE serving in the church and reading the scriptures and talking gospel things 

We also love to talk about anything and everything 

We both are giving everything we have to our kids and our husband, just like our mom did for us

Some of my favorite things about my mom 

I can call her anytime

She has never said a negative thing about Dad, ever

She never once complained about how hard it was that dad traveled 250+ days a year 

She has created a business and a legacy with her music, all on her own. I mean she is kind of famous in some worlds. 

She talks to each one of her children almost every day 

She thinks her kids are hilarious, and only 2.5 of them really are

She never once questioned how we looked, she thought we were the best and the coolest. (We watched home videos yesterday and it wasn't until yesterday where I saw it. We may have been cool on the inside, but we were not ever dressed to any level of coolness. Sometimes (most times) I looked homeless. And yet, we all thought we were legit. I just really really love that.) 

She did not care what other people thought of her or her children

She thinks she has the greatest, smartest, bestest, coolest kids in the whole world 

She never spent any time with other friends, because we were her best friends and really, dad was her best friend. Sincerely and truly

I loved that her favorite stage of motherhood was teenage life and that she'd never ever ever ever want to go back to little kids/babies. The "You'll miss this one day" has never been uttered . More like, "This too shall pass"

A Few Stories:

The first one was when I was 7 years old. I stole a little piece from Kents by BYU. I remember she made me go back into the Kents store and tell the manager that I had stolen that piece of candy and give him ten cents. That was right before I was baptized, but she made it a point to teach me that I will make mistakes, but we can always repent and be forgiven. My mom was always finding simple ways to teach me about the gospel. 

One time I asked my mom, "Mom what if the only reason I'm praying and reading the scriptures and going to church is because I am being told to, not because I want to." I remember we were driving on Oak Cliff and she made me feel so much better when she said, "Then that is enough. Any form of trying, is great!" My mom always made sure I knew I was good enough. I never felt like I had to be anything more than me. 

I was bullied a lot in middle school and high school. My freshman year of high school, some boys Instant messaged me all these really horrible mean things. It was really late, but ran into my parents room in tears. Of course Gary, Nate and Scott joined in on the conversation even though everyone should have been sleeping. My brothers we full on ready to egg these boys homes, then teepee them, egg them again. Plans were being made and drawn out. I LOVE that my mom was full on involved in the plans. She was ready to hop in the car with my brothers dressed in black. (My dad then something really lame, after all the plans were made, like, "Becca you are going to walk into high school tomorrow, with your head held high, knowing you are an Edwards and be kind." #eyeroll #wise). My mom was 100% loyal to her kids. She also knew when lessons should be taught and when loyalty should be shown. (Also it was nice that my parents could tag team this one.) 

When I ran for Student Body President, my mom drove me to school every day at 6:30am to campaign. She helped me make every poster, helped me plan every activity, help me make 1,000 cookies, she was there every. single. minute. (Its no wonder she was mad that I called dad first to tell him I won.). But that was how she was with all of her children. My mom was all in, in whatever we decided we wanted to do. And she believed we could do anything. 

When my parents decided to move from the home that I grew up in, I was a senior. I was devastated. My mom felt extremely prompted to make that move, even though we all still miss our Oak Hills house. She wrestled with the prompting for months and even years and finally had the faith to pull the trigger. Again, I was devastated. I remember watching my family pack up my house piece by piece. I refused. And my mom let me refuse. I don't think I packed a single box in that move. In fact I think my mom had my grandma come up and together, while I was in school they packed up my room so I didn't have to. My mom is courageous and she has always shown her kids A LOT of grace.

A week before my freshman year, I was planning on rooming with my next door neighbor from Oak Hills. But in the middle of the night, my mom change all of my rooming situations. A green bed opened up and she wanted me to have a fresh start, so she swapped my whole future with a click of a button and told me in the morning. I had to tell my friend Alex that we weren't going to be roommates and that she was going to room with someone random last minute. I had to wrap my head around a completely different living situation in just a couple of days. I still can't believe my mom did that without talking to me. But if she had not done that, I never would have met Regan. And if I had never met Regan, I never would be married to Landon. My mom did all she could to follow the spirit. 

I called my mom last month kind of in a panic, I was not happy with my life. She mostly listened. But she also did two things that changed everything for me. She said, "Ya know, i'm not sure you are aware of how hard your living circumstances are." I don't know why that changed everything for me. But having her tell me that things were hard, that having a 95 degree home, three active boys, a busy husband, a tight budget, boys home all day ever day, no great yard, were really hard things and it was okay that I was impacted by it. I then just said, "Okay its hard, but it isn't changing, so now what. Please give m some advice." She then said, "If this were me i'd print out a calendar and do one outing everyone morning planned by the boys. Then do a couple hours of quiet time and then watch a movie, eat dinner and do bed time. And don't feel bad if your kids watch a movie every day." We followed that advice for the next 5 weeks. And we seriously had the best five weeks ever. My mom is such a great listener, incredibly validating, and wise! AND she never let guilt be apart of any of her choices. 

I don't know how these categories and lists got here. What I mostly wants to say was that I love my mom. She is my best friend. And I'm grateful every day for her. I hope my children feel the same way about me when I am 60 as her children feel about her today! From mom, to best friend, to rock, to inspiration...... I feel I've been blessed beyond words!!!!! 

Happy 60th mom! Oh, and let me know if you ever read this ;). 

(We had another amazing week. I have the most amazing boys and I love all 4 of them dearly. School here. we. come!!!!!!!) 

God Unmuted!

This week was spectacular. 

I didn't want this week to end. And I was grateful for every second of it. It was just simple and ordinary but you guys, that the way I like it! 

Lando: 

It helped that Landon is doing two week of clinic. Which means he goes in a little before 7 and gets home a little after 5. Yes! I know he doesn't enjoy clinic, but I sure love the hours!!!! He was home every night for dinner. He went on some runs. He helped me coach Jaxsons game. He took me on a date Friday. And spent the entire weekend with us. He did have a devastating empanada fail today. You win some, you lose some. 

Becs: 

I just smiled all week listening to Ty and Jax's friendship. They have become friends, real friends this summer. Being 3.5 years apart at this stage is a huge distance, so I understand why its taken them a while to be able to hang together. I also think its a blessing that we don't live in a neighborhood with a billion other children and other kids to constantly play with. Its forced them to rely on each other. There was no fighting just friending all week long. I was so thrilled with them and their behavior and their support fo each other that I took them to get their favorite cookies this week. We have been trying really hard to be so careful with our money lately that this felt extra special for all of us. 

I was able to enjoy so much of motherhood and homemaking this week. It was a needed feeling. I've been loving my new found love for and relationship with my buddy Paul the Apostle. I feel so inspired by his stories and his epistles. I have felt quite a bit of silence from God lately, for almost a year now, and that has been really hard and i've had all the emotions wrapped up in this. Anger, sadness, confusion, loneliness, resentment, etc. etc. etc. But I felt like I heard him constantly this week. C.O.N.S.T.A.N.T.L.Y. I even had a particularly special moment on my run Saturday morning where a thought from Him came into my mind to call someone. I listened(after the third time), and there was a reason why. And at the end of the conversation I just knew, KNEW that God is real. God is there. In that moment and in this present moment I can not deny that He was communicating with me and I can't deny that he was and is both aware of me and this friend of mine. My testimony and faith has been challenged in the last 2 years in ways like never before. I will be forever grateful for this moment and this week. I know id be naive to believe that this will last forever. But i'm writing this here, so when my doubting moments come, when my angry time arrives, when I want to throw in the towel, I can hold onto this moment and move forward with hope knowing that it will pass. 

Also, I ran 19 miles Saturday and I think I totaled 38 miles this week. I'm excited to get another marathon under my belt. 

Jax: 

Well, Jax was stung by a bee on his hand/finger at the end of an intense 2-2 soccer game(He scored the last goal to tie it up). He was heard across all games and all people on that field it was so painful. Well his pain didn't ease until... maybe today? His hand was swollen all week, he was up multiple times a night, he was icing his hand on and off for three days. He was tough and a good sport but man, bee stings aren't his friend. I did get the chance to cuddle with him three different nights in the middle of the night. I'm not sure how much longer he'll let me do that so I try to eat up every minute. Other than the sting, Jax was insanely sweet to Ty all week, they played soccer, legos, cars, read books, laughed, wrestled, jumped, basketball, the works. Jax read 7 or 8 books this week. Its impossible to keep track. He finished A Wrinkle in Time. When I asked him to explain it to my mom and I, he spent the next 25 minutes giving us every last detail. Oh boy! This kid. I can't wait to see the mountains that he moves and the changes that he makes. I love Jax so much! 

Ty: 

He came into my room Wednesday night at 2:30am, tapped me on the shoulder, "Mom! Mommy." It startled me and I woke up and while I was trying to catch my bearings he said, "Yaxson needs you really bad mommy." And thats when I heard Jax's sobbings. You would think in our little place we'd be able to hear each other, but that swamp cooler man (his name is Stew), he makes sure you can't hear anything ever, unless you are sitting right next to each other. But thats a blessing too, because Luke can sleep better for naps. ANYWAY, of course I ran into to check on Jax, but I was so moved by my little 4 year old taking care of Jax. Ty has grown up so much over the last couple of months/summer. One example is that on Thursday we were meeting Popsie for Lunch. We got there a little early so I told the boys they could play at the park. As we were headed to the park, popsie called to tell us he was there and ready for us. My anxiety peaked, because well, Ty doesn't do well with abrupt change. And abrupt change can effect his mood and behavior for hours. But I got on my knees and just explained the situation. He looked at me and said, "Okay mom!" And rain to the stairs to go meet popsie. WHAT? Oh man! Also, during Lando's empanada fail when he was feeling particularly low, Ty was the one that made him laugh. He is going to change the world this little dude. Oh man! I love Ty so much! 

Luke: 

Oh its crazy how I go from one boy to one boy my love just.... I don't know... I can't get over any of them. I love raising little boys and I love that God has shown me how you can deeply and truly love more than one person. I love my boys for who they are and my love for them isn't greater or lesser than the other. I don't know if this makes sense. I'm just blubbering now. Man I have a lot of love for these boys. Lukers had big moments this week, he blew on his hot food on his own. He signed please when he was asking for something instead of screaming for it. He can say thank you... which is really just him saying two syllables. When we say, "lets go get our shoes on" he excitedly goes back and sits by the back door. The other day he say me with a diaper and wipes and he just came and sat down and let me change him. He can also tell when he poops and points to his diapers after. We are also noticing that he does have favorite foods but he is capable of eating other foods. So even though he cried for 20 minutes during dinner on Monday, he did eventually eat the sweet potato filling.  He lights up a room when people see him and he has the chubbiest tummy that everyone just wants to squeeze. Oh this little dude. He loves his brothers and his brothers feel no sense of competition with him yet. So they just mutually eat him up and play with him and help him and protect him. 

Oh this week you guys. It reminded me in every way why I wanted to be a full time mom and how blessed I am to have three amazing boys. Yay! 

Shout out to the belt siblings!!!! My mom is on the right. We watched Coco in preparation for the Belt Family Reunion. It was such a sweet way to gently and kindly remind us to look to our past and remember and learn.